These are letters to Jack, my son, and my daughter, Audrey. You have given me the gift of motherhood. This is just a little gift back. I want to share my experiences with you of your childhood from my perspective of watching you grow - of being your Mom.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Peanut Butter Biscuit


Okay - the purpose of this post was to show you what you will eat lately. The picky eater saga continues and has actually evolved to the point where one of the most frequently requested meals for you is a peanut butter biscuit. With sprinkles. Appetizing, yes?!? I think Chef Gordon Ramsey would hurl great chunks of Roasted striped bass, olive oil potato purée, braised fennel and red wine reduction all over the floor of my kitchen if he saw what I have now taken to feeding you. And I SOOOOOO don't want to disappoint Chef Gordon Ramsey because.... I love him.... It would make me sadder than sad to see a look of disappointment on his face when he asked me why? why wouldn't you take a little more pride in yourself and your son?

Oh, god. The tears. They are coming.

I'm sorry, Gordon. I love you.But as it turns out, there is a particularly embarrassing confession that I have to share about how clueless I have become of my own personal appearance.

I stumbled into work this morning, late AGAIN - but the disshelved appearance of my clothing and hair usually stops people from asking because I might go postal on them.

So, I was washing out old milk sippy cups in the sink when someone I didn't recognize asked me WHAT was on my BACK?!?

And, YES, it was in that tone, so you know it can't be good!

She then proceeded to peel a melted hard candy off of the back of my shirt.

Ooooo, yeeeeaaaah! Who's hot and spicy now?!?

God - I feel grosser than gross!

Soooo - with a first step into the day like that, you KNOW it's going to be good, right?

Today has kicked my butt. Time to go home and have dinner and a couple of drinks! Hello, Weekend! :)



Thursday, November 29, 2007

Christmas Specials


One thing I love about Christmas is watching Christmas specials on TV. And - can you guess what's my favorite part about watching Christmas specials? You get three guesses and the first two don't count.Love,


Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Tator Tot


Did you know that you can become a Potato Head simply by wearing the glasses that they wear? It's true!Mommy! Yook! I Head Tator!I Tator Tot, Mommy! See?!?Mommy - You Twy!

Yes, I did try and I'm just glad that I still have two functioning eyeballs.But, no pain - no gain, right? Afterall, if you don't put on the glasses, you won't ever know the joys of being a Tator Tot!Love,


Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Here Comes Santa Claus


We took you to meet Santa Claus at the mall. This is our yearly tradition in spite of the expense, and it's pretty expensive! That makes it the third time that you've met Santa. The first time, you sat there looking completely lost and confused.The second time, you thought you were going to die.This time, I thought your reaction would be the same as last year and it almost was. We stood in line and waited with the other parents and you were very anxious. You wanted a candy cane SOOOO BAD, but you didn't know if Santa was trustworthy or not. By the time it was your turn, you were terrified. You approached, grabbed the candy cane and then scurried back to a safe distance, made your exit and took off running.

We kind of decided it wasn't going to happen so your Daddy and I discussed how we would rent some movies about Christmas and read stories and talk about Santa and try again next week.

While you were eating your candy cane, we cruised the mall and picked up a few gifts and played at the mall playground.After this, we grabbed a little dinner at a mall restaurant and talked about Santa and Christmas and had a great time.

After dinner, we were headed out and had to pass by the Christmas land setup with Santa in his chair and you ran up to Santa (luckily there was no line by this time) and said "I want mewy go wound" (Merry-Go-Round) and Santa - reacting very calmly and kindly - suggested maybe you would want to sit down next to him and have another candy cane.

We were all holding our breath and hoping that this would last for the picture. We all moved slowly and placed you next to Santa handling you like a time bomb that could go off at any minute that you decided it wasn't okay anymore. But we needn't have worried. Santa was A-OKAY with you.




Monday, November 26, 2007

Pardon my French


Who goes shopping the day after Thanksgiving or even the weekend after Thanksgiving? I mean – you’d have to be a raging lunatic, right? You’d have to be so damn desperate to get out of the house as to actually be correct by claiming temporary insanity. (temporary…..huhuheeeheehahahahaha…)It was so busy in the stores this weekend that there were actually EMPTY SPACES on a lot of the shelves. And, with all the carts creating confusion and toys being bought – an internal panic voice in my head started going off saying things like OH, MY GOD! IT’S ALMOST ALL GONE! HURRY! FIGURE OUT THE ENTIRE LIST NOW! WHAT DOES HANNAH WANT? WHAT SHOULD WE GET JACK?!? WOULD CALUM LIKE THIS? WHAT ABOUT CHARLIE?!? WHAT ABOUT EMMETT?!? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD – THINK! – BEFORE IT’S ALL GONE!It was so busy that if the owner of the toy store had walked in at that moment, he would have had an instant orgasm.

Oh, Lord. I just put the word “orgasm” in a post. My apologies, but I can’t erase it. It was still clever. For forgiveness purposes, please see insanity listed above.There were kids scaling boxes to get to the display items that the help had put up high so it couldn’t be reached and messed with (thank you very much for that you jerkwads), 5 year olds and older were seriously walking around with notebooks and pens making detailed Christmas lists, parents were looking at shelves and not really paying attention to what their little dears were up to. I had a girl of about 6 years run into me full speed on a bicycle while I was shopping in the matchbox cars aisle.About then is when you decided that you desperately needed the candy at the exit. The 25 cent candy which is sugar in the shape of mini dog bones in glossy bright colors that you would swear HAD to be painted. Just don’t let that paint have come from China, please oh please oh please….It was SO busy that the carts were piled in the exit leaving barely enough room for a row of carts to exit and the stream of customers were unrelenting and zombified from their shopping experience and you were racing in and out between these carts before I could grab you. I was sure you would be crushed between two carts and before I could help myself, I’d shouted “JESUS CHRIST!”

“Jee-zus Kwist!”

Oh, Crap.



Sunday, November 25, 2007

Dance Fever


Last night we went to your Uncle Matt and Aunt Lisa’s house to celebrate Grandma Mary’s birthday. It was such a fun night! You were immediately interested in the baby toys until your Cousin Charlie woke up and Aunt Lisa brought down THE CAR!You were in seventh heaven.THE CAR! is a car that comes from a company that is similar to Build-A-Bear. It revs it’s engine and lights up and is just downright cool looking. Like I said, you were in awe of THE CAR!

But my favorite part of the night was after the chocolate cake. You found a second wind and the chocolate cake sent you into orbit. You and Calum started dancing with each other and, by the end of the night, you were dancing with me. We did the “Cat Dance”, the “Turkey Dance”, the “Pig Dance”, the “Exercise Dance”, the “Dog Dance”, the “Bear Dance”, the “Lightening Dance”, and after we danced long enough to tire you out, you sat down and had me do a little dancing for the group by myself seeing as how I had thought it wonderful when you did it, why should I have a problem with being the closing act. I rose to the occasion, I am proud to say!

All I have to say is that my sister, Erin, who made the cake – must not be being entirely truthful as to the part sugar and part crack cocaine that she put into that cake because I’ve NEVER seen you so wired. What a blast! You are such a cutie!



P.S. I love this picture of the two Grandma's with their birthday cake because it looks like a campfire! Hold onto those grandkids and don't let them wander into the light!

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Stupid Brain

Jack,You know what pisses me off lately? My stupid *f*ing brain! Here we are on a long weekend and for the first time in, like, FOREVER I’ve had the opportunity to sleep in! Yesterday and this morning, I made it to 6 instead of my normal 5 AM wake up call from you when my stupid brain starts yelling at the rest of me:


And I’m all – you stupid M*F*er! Maybe we could have slept in a little longer even? Hmmmmm?!? Wouldn’t that have been nice, you overeager piece of sh*t?

Sorry. The complete waste of it all really pisses me off.

It’s like my brain has secretly been watching the clock the entire time after 5 AM when I didn’t wake up like normal and the MINUTE it hits 6 – it has to do it’s end-zone dance and claim victory in the most annoying wake-me-out-of-a-deep-sleep kind of way and I just want to kick it’s ass!

Stupid Brain.

Anyway – that’s my thought for today and since my brain hates this post, I can’t seem to get anymore creative than that.Love,


Friday, November 23, 2007



'Twas minutes before guests arrived and the house looked better than ever before! The TV tables and plastic chairs are to accomodate the many, many expected guests and aren't ordinarily there...
Not a creature was stirring for fear of getting in trouble for messing up the rooms before we could get photographic evidence of how good it looked.By the way, THIS is what I had for breakfast this morning. I know, you are sooooo jealous, aren't you?Art for the holiday was done by you. How cute is this?!?You also assumed the job of snack taster.You took this job very seriously.You were all dressed up and looking adorable for this special occassion.Below here is actual proof of the mass hysteria that is induced when your cousin Lisa brings her cheeseballs to a party.It's good, but you have to REALLY want some in order to be in the right state of mind to push to the front of this crowd. :)Oh, sure.... They LOOK harmless, but they'll rip your arm off!I'm just saying!Having filled up on snacks, you were content to ignore everyone and watch a little Charlie Brown's Christmas on the laptop - at least for the meantime while the snack craze died down. All the while, the cooks were busy in the kitchen.Here the little boys played with the big boys by trying to hit them with balloons while the big boys deflected the aggressive little pelleting with no effort.It was all fun and games until Uncle Steve came along and took a big dump on everyone's fun!(AMBER - in case your Dad doesn't read this, MAKE SURE TO TELL HIM I SAID THAT!)In the meantime, you and Hannah had discovered the relocation of most of your toys to your bedroom and were taking an inventory of what all there was!There really was A LOT to discover!It was cute to watch you two together because sometimes you both wanted to do something and would try like crazy to convince the other one that they wanted that, too!Here you are trying to convince Hannah that playing Peek-A-Boo in the closet was fun.Here Hannah is trying to convince you to play "house" with her and to take a nap by physically putting you in your crib.Is it bad that I just sat there and laughed? Not to worry - you two had a wonderful time together. You always seemed able to figure out something that worked for both of you!Here are your cousins Jamie and Danielle.So, the total number of guests came to 22 people.BOY - it's a good thing we love each other because we were PILED IN!The turkey and meal was really incredible!Your Daddy and Grandma Rose did a FANTASTIC job! I love this moment! Hannah and Lisa feeling the effects of the tryptophan and sisterly love. For spacing reasons, we had the front porch opened with a space heater on it and this worked out really well.You had fun playing going in and out of the houseuntil you didn't.... Here's you and Buzz Lightyear! You LOVED showing off your favorite toys!With all this food in our systems, it was time for the Rose tradition of the post-Thanksgiving football game.We have a rather small backyard, but the benefit of being located pretty close to a neighborhood park, so I took this party on the road.The adults met us at the park and the game was on.I know you are SWIMMING in your coat, but I learned this year that you are growing like an absolute weed and if I don't plan ahead, you'll go through two coats this season. Anyway, it works!The teams in the Rose family football game are always Adults versus Kids.The rules are pretty simple: no one gets hurt and make sure the little ones get a chance or two to score.Other than those rules, there aren't any.Trash talking shows up from the start and continues throughout the game.The kids team frequently employs the technique of sending out the little ones to evesdrop on the huddle of the Adults to hopefully learn their play and be ready for it.People that sacrifice themselves for the team are praised and a little aggression is worked out in a constructive and acceptable way.Afterall, it IS football!Meanwhile, this setting worked really well because the playgound attached was the perfect setting for you and Hannah to get to play while the game was in full swing.Speaking of swings!Nice transition, right?VERY SMOOTH! :)
The game lasted for hours and even snowed a little. You guys got cold so I took you home.When the game was over and the Adults had claimed victory, it was time to eat again.In a 7 hour party, there are LOTS of opportunities for more!Your Daddy and you looked so adorable together that I couldn't stop snapping pictures.See?!?ADORABLE!
Here you are attempting to swallow your whole hand.The resemblence between you and your Daddy is really incredible.I love you guys!The rest of the night was talking and playing and enjoying each other.You had a blast playing with your Uncle Steve.

Which is all really amazing when you consider how much more mature you are than him. burrrn!It was a great Thanksgiving - even better than I could have hoped for!Happy Thanksgiving, Jack!