These are letters to Jack, my son, and my daughter, Audrey. You have given me the gift of motherhood. This is just a little gift back. I want to share my experiences with you of your childhood from my perspective of watching you grow - of being your Mom.

Sunday, March 15, 2009



Is four the final door to close on toddlerhood? I have a definite opinion that it is.

Look at you!
Baby curls lengthening into thicker boyish strandsYou don’t own a single pair of pants where the knee on at least one side isn’t ripped to shreds
  • You go through a pair of shoes every two weeks, but we only replace them every four
  • You seem to have a catalog of back-talk that grows every day – due to an uncanny ability to notice comebacks in shows or movies that we see and you fire them off at me and I’m never ready. It’s getting SO hard not to laugh sometimes except my Mom internal imaging allows me to see the bigger picture like IMMEDIATELY and I can imagine where you saying that at school won’t fly at all. Laughter suppressed if only for the greater good of humanity. (although my eyes still twinkle at Daddy while I sternly repeat what you just said and he has to turn and walk away so you can’t see the laughing although I can see the shoulder shaking and know what it means.)
  • You fly along on your scooter like you’re Tony Hawk on a skateboard and have dinged up your helmet enough times to make me religious…
  • You tell jokes that are improving greatly over time. Last night, I put you to sleep in my body pillow which you always ask for by saying “Mommy, can I sleep in your pregnancy?” How can one resist that? You look like a little bird curled up in a nest in that thing and I’ve taken to saying “goodnight Little Bird”. Last night you answered “hey, Mommy! Hey, Mommy! …… TWEET DREAMS!” and you were so proud and I was so flabbergasted that I had to applaud – wow! That was a good one, Buddy! Great job!
  • You create rules to fit what you want to take place “Mommy – little boys HAVE to call their Mommy’s when they are too hot and Mommy’s have to come and change their shirts!” Oooooooooh! I wasn’t aware of that one. Well, I’ll be right there!
  • You walk around listening to music on an iPod Nanno sometimes and I haven’t even figured the thing out yet…
  • You talk about movies you want to watch when you get older: Ghostbusters, Men In Black, and other scary, dark features. They are something you are very interested in and you are counting down the days till they are within your grasp.
  • You get pretty excited about picking out which shirt you want to wear in the morning, although you still never want to go to school. You want to stay home in your favorite shirt with your two favorite people. Thank GOD we are still your two favorite people! :)
  • You ask to go on vacation
  • You’ve told me it’s time for a new car because the Orange Juice car is getting too old.
  • We planted some plants which we are going to put in the ground shortly and you check on them regularly and remark on how big they are getting!

This new period has it’s more positive side and the way more challenging sides, too. The positive being that you are clearly easier to communicate with. I can explain how something works and you are fascinated and you can point out things you notice and we can discuss them.

The challenging side is that you are way harder to communicate with, too. You understand that we are the Rule Makers, but you also see that you can do so much of the same things we can and you are striving for more independence. More control over decisions or at least being included in them. We give you choices which help in a lot of scenarios but there are other times when you declare “Those are NOT the choices!”

I understand being frustrated and needing an outlet so I’ve been working on figuring out what a creative and harmless outlet might be. Call that a work in progress because I need one for myself, too.

And, finally, you speak about how you can’t wait to go to Kindergarten. Wow. That’s only a year away. That’s definitely a rite to childhood. Some of our earliest memories come from Kindergarten and that’s the beginning of your education. I hope you’ll know that you are always my little baby even as you dash ahead towards your future!



Sunday, March 01, 2009

How it's going...


I’ve fallen behind in keeping up with your Blog.

I should probably give you a reason for it so you won’t misunderstand, but I feel guilty about it. It seems that I have been struggling with a little pregnancy depression.

I normally have depression and am usually on medication for it, but the medication isn’t considered necessarily safe for a fetus and I don’t want to do anything that could potentially be harmful to your sister just so I can feel a little “sunnier” for the a certain number of months. Seems a small price to pay if the trade off is better potential opportunities for your sister.

But, sometimes things happen and coping is harder when you already feel shaky in the emotional department. It was really rough losing your Grandfather at the end of January. My job has been in an uncertain position until recently when I found out I was secure, but I watched a lot of friends lose their jobs. There’s been a lot of stress and I have been handling it as best that I can, which hasn’t been very good.

It seems like the only times I’m able to pull my thoughts together lately are when I’m dealing with something stressful or sad, and then it’s a coping mechanism to help pull through, but there are plenty of wonderful things that I’m missing writing about.

Like – in the times that I’ve fallen silent, you have:
- Thanked me for bringing you to this planet
- Told me you were going to marry me
- Told me that I smelled bad (called me Stinky) – not a wonderful moment, but in retrospect, it was kind of funny….(we’ll overlook that you also have taken to calling me “stupid” on occasion, but the punishment for that is immediate time out)

- Said that you were very tired and you were going to sleep until you were 5….
- Told me you wanted a guinea pig
- Said it didn’t matter if you couldn’t do something because you WANTED to do it….
- Told me that you weren’t going to share…
- Told me that you would share, but only some things
- Wanted to check on how your plants are growing (we have some starter plants in small containers to start them off and we are going to transplant them in the garden next weekend)

- Talked to Audrey in my belly
- Asked me what was in my belly? And I told you it was a BIG sandwich!
- I came to have lunch with you and your friends one day and you fed me your broccoli and theirs declaring "My Mommy LOVES Broccoli!"

-Told me jokes including – what kind of dog doesn’t have a tail? A HOT DOG!
- Started coloring in coloring books and you love it!
- Told me I needed a toy for my birthday. You insisted so we went and got me a toy. You do a very good job of playing with it for me.
- Have been regularly having times telling me stories that are really fascinating (i.e. about a man named Stinky that had a foot on his nose, etc.)

We have our moments of aggravation, but it’s been wonderful and the quiet mood that I’ve been in is one where my brain is overwhelmed and so I float through the days loving the fun moments but mostly absorbing them and not outwardly sharing them.

I am looking forward to Audrey’s birth when I can get back on track, back on my medicine and start to feel more normal with more than a shaky grip on myself and my emotions.

Thanks for all you’ve put up with these past months, you have been such a little man!