These are letters to Jack, my son, and my daughter, Audrey. You have given me the gift of motherhood. This is just a little gift back. I want to share my experiences with you of your childhood from my perspective of watching you grow - of being your Mom.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Feeling better


I know we all have "days like that" and yesterday was one for me. I feel so much better today. I don't know why yesterday seemed so challenging to me, but yesterday evening, I just spent the evening with you playing. Anytime you started to run away or not listen to me, we would stop doing that activity and find something else.

It was a nice evening.

We started it out by having dinner with my Mom - Meemaw. She had picked up a little basketball hoop that someone was throwing away, but is in wonderful condition.We had a fun time playing with it and you enjoyed your slam dunks.I think we might need to raise it up for you to make it a little more challenging.It was amusing to watch Meemaw try to make the baskets because she would miss five out of six tries...(This cracked us both up) on this basketball net. Yeah! THIS ONE!Ask Meemaw sometime about the game she scored something like fifty points.... Boy - time takes it's toll apparently.... (Meemaw is going to kill me later....)Anyway - you reached this point and then you kind of looked around like - this is it?No crazy lights and sounds and action?I think we DEFINITELY need to raise the basket for you next time because this is a pretty cool toy! Good find, Meemaw!From there, you "helped" out by watering Grandma's plants with mulch.We came home and played together. The night was so good that I wanted to do something special for you, so I gave you an ice cream cone.Ice cream always makes me a little goofy, so I started a game called "April says". I say "April says" and then I pause and then I make the silliest sound I can think up at that moment. I'd say that you liked the game very much! :)I started my own game of trying to see how much ice cream I could make you drop on your shirt while we were playing.Turns out - QUITE A LOT!The dogs were very pleased with my game - MmmmmmmmIn this picture, you can almost see Herkey trying to decide if it JUST MIGHT BE WORTH ENDING HIS LIFE - if he could get his maw around your ice cream cone.It was so much fun to have an evening like this - seeing you so happy....well, I didn't want it to end.I was your standup comedian entertainer and you laughed at every goofy face I made at you while you were eating.It's a relief to find moments like this when things seem a little challenging.Suddenly, it's all doable again and I'm feeling good about my abilities as Mom.I always KNEW that ice cream had a magic to it!Hey, JACK!April says: "NYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"AaaaaPRRRRRiLLLL SSSSSaaayyyyssssssss........HUUUUHNG?Last night, you slept pretty well without your Binky (perhaps due in part to the magic of ice cream? I'm not saying it cures cancer or anything, but....all I'm saying is-it brought me back to life), but now you are replacing it by trying to snuggle and suck on your milk cup. I let you have a couple of "one more times" with the cup, but then realized we were stahling the inevitable and took the milk away. You started to holler for MIIIIIILLLLLLLLK! MIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLK! and so I walked out of the room so there wouldn't be an audience for the meltdown. You immediately switched to MOMMMMMMY! MOMMMMMY!
I started to think maybe I should also wean you off of needing me so much at night, but I bit off more than I could chew and the timing was all wrong. I went in and out of your room three times to try to calm you when I realized that I was making another poor decision.I was springing too much on you all at once and that wasn't fair. You were so upset.
I took you in my arms and rocked you in the rocking chair while you calmed down. You were so afraid that I would disappear again that you clung to me very tight and it took you some time to calm down. I felt badly about my decision, but in parenting you have to try what you think is the right thing. I've also finding it's important to recognize when you make mistakes so you can step back and try a different approach and learn from them. I promise to be more careful in the future and I won't spring too much on you all at once. Sorry!So, we snuggled until you were fast asleep. You made it through the whole night and got a great sleep and so did I.This morning, you woke up and asked for an ice cream cone.

MommyP.S. In spite of the struggles we have been having, I dropped you off this morning and we parted on such warm and fun terms. We played and read stories before I left and when I had to go, you walked to some toys and I called "Jaaaaack! I love you! I'll see you soon, okay?" and you looked over and said "Bye, Mommy! I WUB OOO!"

I think I'm going to cry!Thanks for these moments!(Also - can I just add how IMPRESSED I was that you were able to almost fit the whole cone in your mouth? I wish I could do that!!!)

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