These are letters to Jack, my son, and my daughter, Audrey. You have given me the gift of motherhood. This is just a little gift back. I want to share my experiences with you of your childhood from my perspective of watching you grow - of being your Mom.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Last night it was just you and me. Your Daddy is on a trip that he will remember forever - he has gone to Las Vegas with his Dad and some of his brothers (Uncle Scott and Uncle Nick). Uncle Phil and Uncle Steve wanted to go, but couldn't, so they contributed to your Grandpa's trip so he could have some fun on them. Your Grandpa Rose has wanted to go to Las Vegas and your Daddy, Uncle Scott and Uncle Nick are all going to see it with him. What a great time for all of them and something your Daddy will never forget. I hope that someday you and him will get to go somewhere together, too, when you are grown up!
We had such fun last night! We pet the kitty cats and the dogs and then I filled up one of the sides of the kitchen sink and put you on the other side. We dumped your unused bottles and some beaded necklaces and colorful cups into the water and added some bubbles and you poured and splashed to your hearts content. I truly think we played like that for an entire 45 minutes which is an eternity for a baby, but you never slowed down. I had the CD player on in the background and we were listening to Kelly and Bobby's wedding CD that you love so much.
You had just discovered that you could see your reflection in the kitchen window because it was light inside and dark outside which made the window like a mirror. You were filling up the colored cups with water and trying to give your reflection a drink of water. At that moment the song "I Am Blessed To Be A Witness" came on. With the song in the background playing and watching you pouring water on the window trying to give your reflection a drink, tears suddenly overpoured me and my heart felt like it had just outgrown my chest. I thought "I AM SO blessed!" Blessed to be a witness to YOU! To be present to watch you as you grow and learn and experience life. I felt so lucky at that moment and right now.
I am going to try to make the most out of our time together at all times. There are moments sometimes when I'm finding myself getting a little stressed because I'm trying to straighten and clean at the same time that I'm trying to meet your needs and I think I need to take away from that moment of realization that it's okay to let things go a little. There will be small moments when I'll have the time I need to catch up on laundry and dishes. I need to be sure that I'm making the time to enjoy you so that moments like last night fill my memory and my heart. I have been smiling like a goofball all morning.
This morning, we said "hi" to the kitties again and listened to the CD player and I planted kisses on you which you laughed at. We read some books about kitties and doggies and a Peek-A-Boo Baby book that we picked up at the library and then I took you to Grandma Rose's for the day. Boy, did your little face just LIGHT UP when you saw her!
I am looking forward with great anticipation to our weekend together, little boy. I'm going to be the most laid back Mommy this weekend - I promise. We miss Daddy, both of us, but this weekend will be fun - and the turning over of a new leaf for me. Goodbye stressed out Mommy, hello new relaxed one!
See you soon, Buddy!