These are letters to Jack, my son, and my daughter, Audrey. You have given me the gift of motherhood. This is just a little gift back. I want to share my experiences with you of your childhood from my perspective of watching you grow - of being your Mom.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Forever Together


One of the sweetest issues that you are dealing with right now is the struggle with saying goodbye.

Many adults continue to have trouble with this throughout life, so it's not uncommon. Saying "goodbye" is hard to do. I'm a perfect example this morning. I felt awful leaving you at school today. You didn't cry - but you did look down at your toys and you wouldn't look at me. It's as if watching me leave was something you knew was unavoidable and you just couldn't look while it happened, so you stared at your toys and the floor. I feel horrible about this because I want you to be happy all the time - which I realize just isn't possible. I wish I could be a stay at home Mommy for you, honey, but I also know that the variety you get at school is good for you. I couldn't keep things fresh for you all the time which you get more stimulation by the different environments you are exposed to.

This weekend we went down to the Lake of the Ozarks with Kelly and Bobby. We arrived just in time for a tremendous ice storm and were pretty much vacation-house-bound, which I was very content with.

This weekend you had some difficulty with Bye-bye which extended to going to sleep when you were afraid that by doing so, Kelly and Bobby would be gone in the morning and you wouldn't get to play with them again. Or, one time when Kelly was leaving to bring some bags down to the car. She put on her coat and you immediately started to panic. You started to cry and point at the door and Kelly as though telling on her to me - like "She's LEAVING! Stop her! She can't LEAVE!!! What if she doesn't come back?!? You are all being WAY TOO CALM about this!", but it came out more like this: "YAIY!!!!! YAIYYY - BYE-BYE!!!!! BYE BYE!!!! YAIYYYYY!!!!"

I tried to calm you, but you were so upset that I had to change tactics and take you into another room to distract you and play in the closet and it still took about 10 minutes before you stopped yelling her name.
Obviously, you do this because you love her and you don't want her to go, but I wish it wasn't so stressful for you when someone leaves a room with a coat on.

Last night you woke up in the night crying and saying "Bye-bye! BYE-BYE!!" I couldn't calm you no matter what I tried. I eventually had to set you down for a couple of minutes in your crib to give you some time to cry and come around. Then I went back to you and you grabbed onto me tightly with your arms around me and gasping to catch your breath and I wanted to cry, too.

God, I wish I didn't have to be without you, sweetie pie. You are such a sensitive and wonderful little man. If there is ever anyone that isn't nice to you - and there will be - crazies do exist - just know that you are a valuable person and if people make you feel as though you aren't, you can't please everyone, sweetie. Just do what you know is right and please yourself. :)

Can you tell that I've been worrying about that lately?

The truth is - the crying and struggles you were working through were a small part of the weekend. Just the part that I was stressing about. The weekend was a blast with lots of laughter (as you can see here) and playing with your Aunt and Uncle.

I mean, who wouldn't be upset to see THIS end?!?

Hey - it's my job to worry. I'm a mom!
I miss you, lovie. I can't wait to see you again.



By the way - check out this setup. Guys can watch the game, while girls watch Old School on the laptop - side by side! NICE, HUH?

Postnote: your latest artwork is this paint drip picture:

Also, I had entered this picture in a Snausages online contest showing dogs doing things that are people-like. This entry won us a dog house! Check it out!:

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