These are letters to Jack, my son, and my daughter, Audrey. You have given me the gift of motherhood. This is just a little gift back. I want to share my experiences with you of your childhood from my perspective of watching you grow - of being your Mom.
Monday, June 22, 2009
I always knew that the transition from one to two would be a little rough. I guess I wasn't certain on how rough the sleep deprivation would be at this older age. It hasn't been easy. But the two of you have been wonderful.Audrey - you have such moments of clarity, even from just a few days old. You are looking around, taking in all the sights you can soak up. The late nights get wiped away so fast in these moments.And Jack - you wake up sometimes in the middle of the night, but more often than not, you sleep through. You are so tender and sweet with your baby sister. Gentle touches on the back of her head since you know that she has the soft spot on the front of her head. You kiss and hug her so gently it's as though you are afraid that she is made of egg shells and aren't taking any chances that she might break.
Also, with the lesser amounts of energy that I have and the time struggle of juggling responsibilities, you are incredibly resourceful. We found games online that you became very proficient at as well as typing in Microsoft Word, so your Daddy picked up some educational games and you have blown us away from there. You can type your name on the computer keyboard and navigate through numbers and matching and other challenging programs barely by batting an eye.
I had an incident at 3 weeks where I passed a very large blood clot with you present. It was scary. Very suddenly, I felt a pop and there was blood - lots of it. I was there with you both, Jack and Audrey, but only you - Jack - were aware of what had happened. You saw more than I would have wanted you to. I had you look in my eyes and I told you - "look at me, Jack. You can tell that Mommy isn't hurt, right? This is just because Mommy had a baby." You could tell by my face that I was okay and so you were, too.
You are so strong and so am I - because of you, your Daddy, and Audrey. My family makes me strong and the early days here of the sleep deprivation will pass and I'll find my groove. I know it. Thank you.