These are letters to Jack, my son, and my daughter, Audrey. You have given me the gift of motherhood. This is just a little gift back. I want to share my experiences with you of your childhood from my perspective of watching you grow - of being your Mom.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Scared Sh*tless


This past weekend, we visited the Science Center for the first time. They have these enormous robotized dinosaurs that move around slightly and make dinosaur sounds so we thought you might be interested in them. Turns out - the moment that you saw them, you seemed convinced that if they caught sight of you, they would start running after you and gobble you up. To say you were frightened is an understatement.

You could barely move.
But you had Rufus with you, so you found the power to continue and put one foot slowly and cautiously in front of the other maintaining maximum distance between you and the potentially ferocious attackers that may choose to end your life. So we moved on. There were lots of other exhibits to check out and as we wandered over the bridge crossing the highway that links the new science center to what remains of the old one, we played with connectors and put together puzzles and built with blocks - moving right along from one thing to the next. On the bridge, there are these windows which allow one to stand on them as you watch traffic rush by under your feet. I've always found it to be incredibly creepy to see the traffic rush by and think about what would happen if the glass broke at that instance and if you would even feel the blow that killed you. Then again, others find it interesting, thrilling and fun.

People are so different.

You were adorable with this window.By the time we made it over to the other end and had checked out the spaceships, etc, we turned to go back and you reached for the now missing Rufus.

And that's when I sh*t my pants.

"Where's Rufus, Mommy?"

Oh. My. God.

I was off running like I had lost you, my own flesh and blood child, sprinting and impatiently calling for you and Daddy to HURRRRRRY!!! HURRRRRY!!! WE HAVE TO FIND RUFUS!!!! WHATIFSOMEONEELSEPICKSHIMUP?WEHAVETOBEQUICK!!!!IDON'TKNOWWHATWEWOULDDOIFWELOSTRUFUS!!!

I was in far more of a panic than you and I think you were more than a little suspicious of my panic.... Of course, you haven't been on my side of things where I try to put Rufus through the laundry for the timing of JUST ONE CYCLE and listening the entire time to "Rufus Bath? Rufus Done? RUFUS CLEAN! YEAH! WANT RUFUS!"

Let's just say that Rufus helps you, but he also helps me. That stuffed animal is one of our links to familial sanity.

We discovered him in a heap on the connector base of one of the activity sites.And I dropped to the ground and wept tears of blood.

Okay - no I didn't.

But, I've realized one of my worst fears and now I'm in fear of the day that something bad happens to this warm bundle of stuffing that brings so much comfort to you.



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