These are letters to Jack, my son, and my daughter, Audrey. You have given me the gift of motherhood. This is just a little gift back. I want to share my experiences with you of your childhood from my perspective of watching you grow - of being your Mom.
Monday, August 07, 2006
The title of this entry ties to a game that you have been loving to play lately. You are loving to play this game where you hide from me and watch with excitement from your very conspicuous hiding spot as I frantically search for you asking over and over again "Where's Jack?!?! JAAAAAAACK!!! WHERE ARRRRRRE YOUUUUUUUU?!?"
Sometimes the vantage point of being able to watch my reaction closely has made the hiding spot a very distant second in importance and you will stand behind me, but enough to the side so that you can read my facial expressions clearly from a side view. You are SO visible to me from my peripheral vision, that it's sometimes nearly impossible NOT to find you. I have to be so careful not to look directly at you until the point in the game where you giggle or wiggle desperately and I know that permission is granted and you may be found.
You have found that you LOVE hiding in the cleaning closet where we keep the swiffer and broom and duster along with a mop bucket and mop. I cringe because it's this little closet without a handle that is very dark on the inside and I just know the day will come when we have company over and you run and close yourself in that closet and someone sees you do this and thinks "what kind of a mother puts her son in a closet to the point where he does it himself?"
Oh, well. Hopefully when this happens, it occurs at the same time that I open my mouth and say something incredibly ridiculous just to make it that more fantastic to this person and give them something to talk about forever. Like now, when looking for you, I'll say: "Jack, are you in the refrigerator, are you in the dishwasher?" Hopefully, upon hearing this, the individual will realize they have entered the world of the insane and will slowly back out of the house and run for cover and some semblance of normalcy again.
The truth of the matter is - I wonder where you are and what you are doing all the time - almost to the point of obsession.
Today you are spending the day with your Aunt Kelly. You are crazy about our extended family and always have so much fun with everyone, but this chance to spend a whole day with your Aunt is a fun treat that I know you will enjoy. I am so excited for you because I know how much you will enjoy the day - every second being a different experience and with an enthusiastic audience that thinks you are are the "cat's meow". I am so excited about the day that you're having that it's all I can do not to pick up the phone for a play by play description of the day. If it was up to me, you probably wouldn't have time to actually DO anything, the people you are with would be so busy describing it to me, you might not have time to experience it.
Long story short - this game: "Where's Jack?" may be one that you love, but I love it too and I must ask myself this question a hundred times a day. Where are you right now, little sweet one? What are you doing? Do you know at this moment how much I love and miss you? Do you realize how many times in a day I think of you? Of course not. Well, let me tell you right now. That question is one that I think about all the time and it makes me feel good when I hear the answer:
"There you are, Jack! I was wondering where you were"
Yes - I was.... :)
Love you lots n lots, buddy!