These are letters to Jack, my son, and my daughter, Audrey. You have given me the gift of motherhood. This is just a little gift back. I want to share my experiences with you of your childhood from my perspective of watching you grow - of being your Mom.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
I think you are getting to a point where you are realizing that there are limits to things that you may want to do and you don't completely understand them. In addition to these limits, there is still the communication barrier because, although you can say some words, you're still in those early stages and you haven't ventured to try many new words out recently.
As a result of these limitations, you are experiencing moments of frustration during the day and I can tell that you aren't really sure what to make of these feelings or what to do about them. The way that it's manifesting right now is for you to flail your hands around which has resulted at first in a couple of accidental swats, but now it's becoming more purposeful expression and you are sometimes hitting when you get frustrated. This only happens at the height of exasperation on your part and you sometimes even unleash it on yourself, swatting yourself with your hands when you are so frustrated because it's time to leave the pool, or come inside or lay down. I am a first time mom and I don't pretend to know the best way to help you when these moments come up, but I try to be firm about what is acceptable and what isn't. At the same time, I want you to know that it's okay to express yourself and to be frustrated. We all experience that and there is no shame in it. I just don't want you to act out in a destructive way or a way that could be harmful to yourself or others.
I've read some articles and I think I'm going to try giving you a spot with a blanket and pillow that you can go to when you get frustrated so you can work out your feelings. I'm not sure how this will work. I know that I will try to help you put words to your feelings and I'll do my best to give you choices whenever possible because I know you are your own person and I love you and want you to be yourself as much as I can.
I'm hoping that having a calm place to go to will help you to find a way for you to show your frustration in a way that is acceptable and gives you some release. I will try this out and let you know how it's working. I love you, sweetie! You hang in there! As your language develops, you'll understand better and these periods of frustration, although they will still be present, won't be quite so upsetting. (There's my naiive first-mom-ness showing through again, isn't it?) :)