These are letters to Jack, my son, and my daughter, Audrey. You have given me the gift of motherhood. This is just a little gift back. I want to share my experiences with you of your childhood from my perspective of watching you grow - of being your Mom.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Hey, buddy! No - this blog entry isn't about how the Roses smell - we don't smell funny or anything (well, most of the time!) :)
Okay - I started this blog as a gift for you. One day, I think you might be in a position where you want to look back and see what was happening in the life of a parent with a young child because that may be where you are right now or be curious about what was going on at various stages of your life, so I am sharing just that.
You already know from where you sit right now reading that there is a happy ending to this story. A very happy one, so don't worry! :)
I went to the doctor yesterday because I'm having some issues which I'm sure you wouldn't want me to detail too much because they are "lady" issues and, as my son, I will spare you any further detail. Just so you know what I mean, I'll just say that my "lady" friend visited and didn't leave. For about a month and a half. Kind of raised a flag in the air for attention, you might say.
At this point, it seems that I probably have fibroids, but that's all I know right now. The doctor is going to look further to determine what we are looking at and how to go about correcting it. Fibroids are actually pretty common. A lot of women have them and may never even be aware of it. It's only when they cause issues like the ones that I've been having recently that they become a problem and need to be addressed.
I'm sure this will be a small thing that I won't even remember being all that concerned with months from now, but right now - when I'm kind of unsure about what the details are - it's a different kind of feeling.
Most of the time, I think I look at life through a filtered lense. I don't think I'm the only one that does this - we're all guilty of it in some way or another. What I mean by a "filtered lense" is that I see everyone around me as coming from the same place that I am. I generally view others as having a home, family, pets, jobs, etc - maybe a house in a different part of town with more children and no pets or a single person with an apartment and two kids - but all of us in pretty similar situations. I think it takes a little jolt to make that filter fall away so you can really see what you have.
You know that to be born in the United States is one of the greatest lotteries you will ever win? In this nation, a person living in poverty is better off than most in our third world countries. Food, shelters, free clinics...
But, on a smaller scale, I am so lucky in my life. You know I work shoulder to shoulder with people that have all sorts of personal stories that I see through my filter. A single guy, a married woman with two kids, an older woman with grown children.... they all have stories. Without the filter, you can see that the single guy is 42 and lonely - he doesn't have anyone to go home to at night, but he has his extended family and they are supportive of him. That married woman with two kids just had a hysterectomy and she is only 30, but she is so happy because she has the two children that she does. The older woman with grown children just lost her husband, but he had cancer and isn't suffering anymore. She talks of the wonderful years that they had together and how thankful she is that they could raise their family together.
That's what I mean by the filter coming off. I see now. I take so much for granted in my life. I have the best husband that a woman could ever hope to have. I have a beautiful, smart, loving and wonderful son that makes me proud with EVERYTHING that he does! Everything is going to be fine! :) The fibroid will most likely be nothing more than a small something to be removed and I won't even remember it years from now. If I ever look back and read this I might even be embarrassed because it was so little. I may wonder - what was I so worried about?
It's nice to be reminded of how good things are... That may sound strange, but it's true. This morning, when I dropped you off at Grandma and Poppa Dough's, I had handed you to Poppa Dough and you reached back for one more hug. I took you in my arms and you hugged me so strong that I was overcome by your love. It brought tears to my eyes to feel your hug given with all of the little might that you have. Thank you for that, sweetie! You made me feel bigger than the tallest tree and when I left, I swear the sun was shining brighter! I am so lucky to have you and Daddy and the wonderful family that I have - all the Roses and Dougherty's - the Stoevers, the Phillips' - everyone!
I guess what I'm saying is "Smell the Roses", honey! Okay, okay - but after you finish smiling and sniffing Uncle Steve or Amber and Dani - look around you. You are loved!!! Know that, little one!
And now, I'm feeling a little naked from baring all like this so I'm going to go and put on a couple of sweaters... Just kidding! :)
I LOVE YOU!
P.S. You are so inquisitive and curious! Here are some pictures of you trying to check out the camera when I was taking your picture!