Trust and Honesty

Jack,

I want for you what all parents want for their children - to be happy. That is definitely true, but I also want you to be content, satisfied, loved and loving. It’s so important to me – the type of person you grow up to be.

Last night, you were brushing your teeth and you just started talking to me. I don’t remember how the conversation started but soon you were telling me about your classroom and how there is a time out chair and I asked you if you have ever had to sit in the time out chair. You were honest – you said that “yes” you had to sit in the time out chair before but you didn’t want to tell me why.

I told you that it was okay for you to tell me – that we could talk about it – but you weren’t convinced. You told me that you didn’t want to because it was too bad. You stalled by taking lots of drinks of water and finally, you relented and told me that you had been playing a game with a friend of yours when two other children came to join the game and that you had hit them.

I nodded as I listened and was careful not to launch into a lecture. I could tell by your reluctance to talk about it that you were only too aware of how inappropriate this behavior was.

I asked you instead – what did you learn from that experience. You seemed to think about it and then you said to not do that anymore.

You mentioned then about how there is a worse punishment but that you hadn’t had to do it – which is go to see the principal. I said that was good.

There was something very sweet about the timid confession of misbehavior last night. I felt like a confidant and I was so proud of you. I could see regardless of what had happened at that time, that you knew right from wrong in this situation and that next time, I suspected things would come out differently.

We snuggled last night until you fell asleep and the next day, I got the warmest hug from you when I dropped you off for school. A friend came over – you introduced her as Delaney. You asked her if she wanted to play Mr. Fox and I saw her face light up and she said YES! And then you both went to get your backpacks and lined up to walk down the hallway to the playground.

I stood in the hallway and watched as you proceeded down the hall. I found it hard to walk away and I feel drawn to you even now. A special little closeness that I feel because you trusted me to tell me something I wouldn’t have known – you took a chance - and I will not let you down. We will figure out these challenges together as long as you will let me.

Love,

Mommy